I joke with my friends daily that everything in life is one big dick measuring contest. People trying to prove their worth with others, some trying to emasculate others, some prideful with what they have, some settling for what they are dealing, some trying to compensate, some dealing with small dicks, and some still growing.
So who has the biggest dick going into Challenge 30? Well, let’s look at where they are standing in terms of ego, respect, and standing. NOTE: this not an actual measurement contest of their dicks.
30. Derrick Henry (Rookie): The last two episodes of reality television that this man has been on, he did not win the million dollars on AYTO, and then got eliminated in the first episode of AYTO Second Chances. Add in he’s a rookie. A lot of room to grow for him!
29. Christopher Ammon (Rookie): He leaked info about his RW season as it was filming. Somehow still got the Challenge invite.
28. Britni Thornton (Rookie): Still need to see if she can prove herself, however, she’s ready to get down and dirty.
27. Simone Kelly (3rd season): Don’t you LIE on ME!
26. LaToya Jackson (3rd season): Being one of the only returning Underdogs who did not make it to the Oasis is tough.
25. Marie Roda (3rd season): Like LaToya, losing first on your last Challenge hurts. Losing to Kailah is better than losing to Sylvia.
24. Tori Deal (Rookie): Only rookie to not fall to the bottom. This is due to her strong second place finish on AYTO Second Chances.
23. Shane Raines (2nd season): Made it back onto the show despite only being on Bloodlines for 3 episodes.
22. Kailah Casillas (2nd season): While she might have a golden pussy, she walked out the last Challenge crying after losing to Sylvia in elimination.
21. Nicole Ramos (3rd season): 4th place finish on her last Challenge, let’s see what she can do without her cousin.
20. Tony Raines (4th season): The reason he is ranked so high, is because his physical dick has procreated many times. His loss to Shane when he thought Shane would be an easy out was bad. Never made it to the halfway point in a game.
19. Dario Medrano (4th season): Still hasn’t made it to a final, was close on Rivals 3. He did win more than other guys by winning Ashley K.
18. Jemmye Carroll (5th season): The Twitter fingers are strong with this one.
17. Hunter Barfield (2nd season): This guy was infatuated with his dick on Are You The One?, and he also has a ton of dick pics online. Hunter, cmon man. He tried to show off what he had, King Konging Bananas by pinning him to the floor during the Rugby mission for like twenty seconds. Then he had a mini corn dog when he faced the puzzle in the Underdog Bloodbath. Shrinkage.
16. Devin Walker (2nd season): Coming in hot after winning and dominating Are You The One Second Chances.
15. Cory Wharton (4th season): New age hookup King had a bad showing in the final. Couldn’t perform when it mattered.
T-13. Amanda Garcia (3rd season): Bitch, Bye!
T-13. Jenna Compono (5th season): Needs to stand up for herself more, she’s packing heat, needs confidence and to be a human being.
12. Aneesa Ferreira (12th season): Last time we saw Aneesa, she was talking shit to Cara Maria, then promptly got smoked by her in a physical elimination. Is it just me, but has she told multiple people to suck her dick before?
11. Nelson Thomas (3rd season): The Wayans brother won 3 eliminations last season and was 2 minutes from beating a legend in CT during the Invasion final.
10. LeRoy Garrett (7th season): Nobody wants what LeRoy is cooking. In a physical elimination, he’s one of the 2 or 3 best all time.
9. Veronica Portillo (9th season): Her last two showings have not been great. Once a dominant figure whose shadow always lurked over the game, her power was almost completely diminished on the Ruins. First out on Champs vs Pros too. Still a legend.
8. Camila Nakagawa (10th season): Confusing.
7. Derrick Kosinski (10th season): He has returned! The Diesel himself is back to be a man again, to kick asses and take names. Don’t think he’ll need a blue pill. Heck, he’s younger than Johnny even!
6. Jordan Wiseley (4th season): Embracing his dick and porn career fully with the mustache. Last time Jordan was on a real Challenge, he was crowned a Champion.
5. Cara Maria Sorbello (10th season): Elimination record for females, approaching the all time record, made four finals, and won the Champs vs Pros spinoff.
4. Ashley Mitchell (3rd season): Nothing feels better than coming off of a win.
3. Johnny Bananas (15th season): Got completely defaced as the Champ last season by Darrell. In order to take back dick supremacy, he either needs to beat Darrell in elimination, or win the season.
2. Darrell Taylor (8th season): According to Darrell, he pisses excellence.
1 CT Chris Tamburello (13th season): A dad, a returning Champion, and still the same man who backpacked Bananas.