What NFL Team is Your Favorite Challenge Spies, Lies & Allies Player?
The NFL season is upon us! With the Challenge Spies, Lies & Allies in full swing, I decided to go through the remaining 24 players and compare what NFL team they are most similar to entering the 2021–22 season. Find out who your favorite player or who your favorite team is most like. If I upset you, I do not apologize for your favorite team stinking up the joint. Also, this may at times feel like a quarterback comparison, and I think we can all agree that the identity of most teams become based around who their QB is at the time.
There are eight teams who I did not compare to players because some comparisons are too much of a stretch, or the pieces don’t fit perfectly. For example, the New England Patriots are in a bizarre transition period where they might be good as soon as this season, or it might take longer, and then how do I account for all their past championships? I don’t want to leave the eight teams I didn’t mention left out, so I’m going to throw out 8 quick comparisons to former competitors, and then we can jump into the detailed explanations:
New England Patriots — Johnny Bananas
Indianapolis Colts — Theo Campbell
Atlanta Falcons — Jenna Compono
Green Bay Packers — Laurel Stucky
Kansas City Chiefs — Jordan Wiseley
Detroit Lions — Kayleigh Morris
Houston Texans — Rogan O’Connor
Los Angeles Rams — Theresa Jones
CT — Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The returning Champs! CT and the Bucs are both coming off championships, and the scariest thing about each is that they look even better than they did last season. Tom Brady had an entire preseason to prep his receiving core, and their defense looks even tougher than last season; likewise, CT is in even better shape than he was on Double Agents and is in much better of a social/political situation. Not to mention, CT and Tom Brady are both Boston Legends who migrated to Florida. They are still dominating their sports in their 40s with no stopping in sight.
Tori Deal — Minnesota Vikings
When Tori put up big elimination wins on War of the Worlds 2 and ended her season a puzzle short of a Challenge Championship, many expected her to take the world by storm in future seasons and be a top contender. When the Minnesota Vikings went to the NFC Championship in 2018 with Case Keenum at QB and then spent big money on analytics darling Kirk Cousins in the off-season, they expected a Super Bowl in their future. Instead, both have accomplished a whole lot of nothing since. They still have loads of talent; I just can’t help feeling the championship window got closed in on them.
Nelson Thomas — Las Vegas Raiders
The Raiders have had one winning season since 2003, and Nelson’s lone final appearance on his second season Invasion seems more like a statistical outlier in the grand scheme of things (he hasn’t won a daily challenge since Vendettas!). Despite the lack of overall success, they each enter a new season with a lot of noise around them, and even if they are not successful, they will make a splash.
Nany Gonzalez — Chicago Bears
Nany making it to the finals of Double Agents in probably her most boring and least impressive competitive season reminded of the Bears slipping into the playoffs last season. The Bears defense is perpetually good, similar to Nany’s social game. Nany’s troubles in eliminations are comparable to the Bears never having a good quarterback (then again, Nany won one on Double Agents, and Justin Fields looks like a stud). Their fanbases are extremely passionate while also on suicide watch at all times due to the crushing ways their favorites lose. The Double Doink is the equivalent to the Nany Chair elimination from War of the Worlds 1.
Cory Wharton — Tennessee Titans
There was a general skepticism towards Cory and the Titans for a long time, even when they had pulled off unexpected wins/had success in the past. Then the Titans took out the Patriots in the AFC Wild Card Round in 2020, went to the AFC Championship, and followed up the next season with an 11–5 record. Ryan Tannehill transformed into a guy that the Dolphins gave up on to becoming a statistically elite quarterback. Cory took a break after Final Reckoning, and when he came back for Total Madness, he was a new man. His social game was on point, he killed daily challenges, and his cardio had greatly improved. The cherry on top for Cory was his absolute domination of Darrell in elimination on Double Agents. Nobody is going into this season thinking Cory or the Titans are the favorites to win; however if they walk away with a championship, no one will be mega shocked either.
Kaycee Clark — Buffalo Bills
The Bills have been tremendous the last two seasons and are knocking on the door of a championship if they can get through the Chiefs. Similarly, Kaycee is a top contender to win as long as she can get through whatever pair CT is in.
Devin Walker — Los Angeles Chargers
(Fun Fact: I originally put San Diego Chargers. Even though I live in LA…)
Fans view these two in the same vein in they are both polarizing. To some people, Devin is not a serious competitor; he is a non-physical threat who is a total clown. The Chargers are a punching bag for how they can find ways to lose games in the most incredulous ways. Then the other side of the coin is people have been entertained by Devin the last two seasons, and he is taking control of the political game this time around. Likewise, Justin Herbert’s Rookie Season and all the talent around the Chargers have fans inspired. The sliding doors of Devin and the Chargers can go either way.
Ashley Mitchell — Philadelphia Eagles
I know Ashley won two Challenge Championships, and the Eagles only won one Super Bowl, but Philly put up an incredibly dominant regular season, lost their starting quarterback, and won the title with their backup QB. It was such a big win it felt like two championships. That championship was so immensely special to the city of Philadelphia, and Ashley winning the million dollars is her crucial moment in this show’s history. Both have felt incredible highs and have since had a bit of a championship hangover.
Josh Martinez — New York Giants
The Giants went 6–10 last season and almost made the playoffs, which reminds me of how Josh almost slips into the final every season with less than stellar performances. Daniel Jones tripping during a breakaway run with a free touchdown in sight is a total GOOF move. Danny Dimes and Josh both cannot throw a ball at a high level either.
Big T — Miami Dolphins
Both completely outperformed expectations last season. Sadly, Big T came up short of the final, and the Dolphins barely missed out on the playoffs. Even though each did well last season, I think most are expecting a slight regression. Big T is currently at the bottom of the totem pole of the veteran alliance, and there are serious doubts about Tua Tagovailoa as a quarterback and leader. Fans of both are incredibly defensive of them, and in the long run, things will be okay.
Kyle Christie — Pittsburgh Steelers
Ben Roethlisberger is currently the longest-tenured QB with one team, and Kyle has the longest active streak of back-to-back seasons (7). The Steelers and Kyle are too experienced and talented to suck, and not good enough to be elite.
Amanda Garcia — Cincinnati Bengals
The 2015 Bengals opening the season 10–2 with Andy Dalton in the MVP discussion reminds me of Amanda’s blistering hot run of Final Reckoning with Zach, where they as a pair were dominating the daily challenges and were objectively a championship-worthy pair. Then Andy Dalton gets injured, Zach jumps down off a platform to throw him and Amanda into elimination, and it’s downhill from there. Amanda took off multiple seasons and is coming back with a new identity as a mother, and the Bengals are a much different team. I’m about to out myself as a potentially dumb Football fan, but I think the Bengals are sneakily one of the most dangerous teams entering this season. They have a potentially stout receiving core in Tyler Boyd, Tee Higgins, and Ja’Marr Chase, and I have an immense amount of belief in the arm of Joe Burrow. Likewise, Amanda is in great shape, is fantastic with puzzles, and has loads of allies. Do not sleep on either the Bengals or Amanda.
Fessy Shafaat — Baltimore Ravens
Lamar Jackson is such a devastating force as a running quarterback that he is a net positive even if his passing stats are average. No matter how much people hate Fessy, he is a big dude who kills most of these challenges, and nobody wants to face him in elimination. Can Lamar and Fessy win a champion? Not sure. Them making the playoffs/final, though? Bet on it most times.
Sidenote: I wrote this before the Ravens lost two major players to ACL tears.
Amber Borzotra — San Francisco 49ers
What Kyle Shanahan has done in San Francisco without the help of an elite quarterback is remarkable. I know the 49ers didn’t win the Super Bowl in 2019–20, and Amber won a Championship of her own. Still, what the 49ers were able to accomplish without an elite quarterback where Shanahan got creative with their run-scheme reminds me in some ways of Amber B being able to forget her weaknesses and dominate the Double Agents final with her ridiculous cardio. The 2020–21 season was challenging for the 49ers due to loads of injuries, and Amber got told she was an alternate for Spies, Lies & Allies. There is a chip on each of their shoulders because they know they are winners and want to remind everyone, “yeah, our success was not a fluke.”
Ed Eason — New York Jets
Ed became known for playing on the Netflix show the Circle alongside his mom, Tammy. When the Jets took QB Zach Wilson 2nd Overall in the 2021 Draft, social media buzzed about his hot mom. They are both talented individuals with impressive resumes; Zach Wilson looks fantastic in the preseason, and Ed has already won an elimination and a daily challenge.
Berna Canbeldeck — Dallas Cowboys
Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb, Zeke Elliot, Amari Cooper, and Tony Pollard make for an absolutely devastating offense. Berna is a highly-skilled athletic gymnast who put on a crazy physical display during the most recent obstacle course challenge. On paper, they should each be massive threats, and then you realize Berna’s mental game is not all the way there, and the Cowboys defense is not super up to snuff. They also cannot escape their roots, Mike McCarthy is a complete clown as a Head Coach, and Berna is from the circus.
Emanuel Neagu — Cleveland Browns
The Cleveland Browns are not a punch-line! Seriously, they are a talented team who are a dark-horse favorite to win this season. Emanuel is the rookie who is killing every daily challenge (even if he hasn’t won yet), and cardio-wise, he is outpacing all the other men. In a world where CT or the Chiefs get taken out for whatever reason, you begin to look at Emanuel and Browns as being potential winners. I know we don’t much about Emanuel, I just know enough about some of these vets for me to doubt them completely.
Esther Agunbiade — Arizona Cardinals
Esther and Kyle Murray are both short dynamos who have impressed fans early in their careers. While fans enjoy both, Esther is a rookie in a vet-dominated game and Kyler got attached to someone people are unsure is a good head coach (Kliff Kingsbury), which leads to some skepticism towards any grand success immediately. I could see Esther sneaking into the Final and the Cardinals making the playoffs on Kyler’s back; I just wouldn’t bet on it.
Logan Sampedro — Carolina Panthers
The Panthers have a lot going for them as a franchise, Christian McCaffery is a monster, Matt Rhule seems like a decent head coach, and the team has good skill position players. Logan is good-looking, in a showmance with Big T, and is hyper-athletic/intelligent. Yet, I do not feel inspired by either the Panthers or Logan. Meh.
Emy Alupei — New Orleans Saints
When you look at Emy’s skills, she is tall, has a good build for headbanger eliminations, and based on the last episode — she is competent with math. You look at the Saints, and their team has Alvin Kamara, Michael Thomas, and exciting prospect Marquez Callaway. They have the talent to go far, and then you take a step back and realize, “Oh wait, Emy is crazy” and “Oh shit, the Saints Quarterback is Jameis Winston.” I am expecting a devastating crash and burn for both parties.
Jeremiah White — Denver Broncos
I like Jeremiah. I like Teddy Bridgewater. The Broncos are going 6–11, and Jeremiah will be out pretty soon.
Priscilla Anyabu — Washington Football Team
Before the season, Priscilla was one of the rookies I pegged to go far because she is intelligent and athletic. During the most recent daily challenge, she was the first female to complete the obstacle course and solve the math equation correctly. She isn’t getting talked about, and that makes sense as she is not one to wow you from the jump. Washington has a strong defense and plays organized football; they are my pick to win the NFC East, even though their division consists of three talented teams who will get covered infinitely more by the media. Priscilla’s partner being the explosive Nelson and Washington’s new QB being the electric Ryan Fitzpatrick is another slight similarity, at least to me.
Bettina Buchanan — Jacksonville Jaguars
Not all these comparisons can be winners.
Hughie Maughan — Seattle Seahawks Fans
The Seahawks are notorious for their fans, who are so loud and electric that they give their team a massive home-field advantage. Hughie is one loud ass man who is willing to curse out his opponent mid-elimination.