The Top 10 Potential Sponsors and Product Placements for The Golden Bachelor

The Bachelor is a show about finding love while providing viewers with entertainment. At the same time, ABC has done a fantastic job financially capitalizing on the show’s success with numerous commercials and product placements during and within the show itself. From Crest 3D Whitestrips to Taco Bell to Red Bull, The Bachelor has seen a number of different sponsors. We’ve also seen celebrities on the show make cameo appearances and performances to promote themselves and the upcoming content they have coming out. Sometimes, the sponsored products on The Bachelor feel very out of place. Sometimes, they have me on Amazon at 2 AM wanting to buy the product for myself. And other times, they make me want a hot dog real bad.

With The Golden Bachelor set to debut this Thursday, I figured ABC should do commercials and get sponsors more geared towards older/senior viewers. It took me some time to try and figure out what are products that will appeal to old people. Some of these you might expect, some you definitely never considered, and some I might have invented for the sake of this blog. Let’s jump right in.

10 Activia

Old people love them some yogurt, and with Halloween right around the corner, we might as well put Jamie Lee Curtis’s face in front of them. I would love for production to fill the house with an Activia or an Oikos Yogurt. Then you get these old people tipsy off a nice wine, leading to someone drunkenly leaving their yogurt out, creating a stench throughout the house that will lead to people fighting over who is stinking up the place with yogurt. That’s the Reality TV I want to see.

9 Yankee Candles

As a kid, I would always ask my Uncle for money to buy a Yankee Candle for our school fundraisers, and then I would gift the Yankee Candle to my grandma for her birthday or Christmas. My grandma would smile, give me a big kiss on the cheek, and tell me she loved it.

Now, I never saw my grandma light one of these candles, and I assume that’s because she loved them so much that she went through them so quickly that I didn’t even get a chance to see the enjoyment. Did I also live in my grandma’s house? Yes. So she must’ve been burning through candles super fast while I was at school during the daytime.

What I’m trying to say is that old people clearly love Yankee Candles and would never lie to their grandchildren if gifted them.

8 Weight Watchers

Nobody loves fad diets and get-thin-quick methods more than old people. The amount of “3-day diets” my mom and aunt have gone on is enough to fill an entirely year calendar. Old people love passing on eating disorders to a younger generation like it’s a sport.

Weight Watchers is an established brand name that gives old people comfort. I’ll be upfront in saying I don’t dislike Weigh Watchers at all — I lost 40 lbs using Weight Watchers many years ago. Did I gain it back? Yeah, but I also stopped using the Weight Watchers when I did.

The older viewers at home will watch these commercials, and not only will they sign up for the service, they will be signing up their daughters, sons, and in-laws to join them. If your relative signs you up for Weight Watchers, you can take great offense, or you can commit to the service. Just know that if you actually commit to Weight Watchers, that’s a second path of mental gymnastics your family will put you through. Nothing is worse than the eternal blender of getting called chubby by a relative and then them also taking great offense as to why you’re not eating the pie or cookies they baked.

Staying on the diet path…

7 TaB Soda

If you don’t know what TaB is, it was Coca-Cola’s original Diet Soda before Diet Coke. The taste of TaB is described as a more bitter Coca-Cola with a slight lemon-lime sourish flavor — which is precisely what people want in a soda. If you haven’t seen TaB in a while, don’t worry — it got discontinued in 2020. I’m not going to call TaB something we lost because of the pandemic, but it is always convenient to say that COVID killed a random product or store.

If Coca-Cola can do a Marshmello branded soda, they can bring back TaB for the olds while they still have some time. The Golden Bachelor is the perfect way to get TaB back on the market. Stock that house with TaB for everyone to enjoy and remember simpler times.

6 Michael Buble CD’s

Old people love Frank Sinatra. What’s the biggest issue when it comes to Frank Sinatra in 2023? He’s dead.

Some of his fans are still alive, though, and they want to buy new albums. Well, they want to buy records — but they’ll settle for CDs. It has to be something tangible for older consumers. The next best thing alive to Frank Sinatra is Michael Buble.

The Buble footprint is going to be all across the Golden Bachelor. We will have his CDs on sale in commercials like Kidz Bop or Now That What I Call Music a decade ago. We will have Buble songs playing during commercials to promote the show. And he will be a surprise guest and come out to serenade contestants during a 1-on-1 date. Hopefully, nobody on the cast is his ex.

5 Viagra

Yeah, old people still like to fuck. Moving on.

4 Politically Correct Dictionaries

Two things old people care a lot about are safety and their kids. This is a new product I plan on creating and advertising (if it already exists, whoever made it isn’t doing a good job).

Whether it be your Mom, Grandpa, Aunt, etc., you definitely have a well-meaning older relative who is 100% not racist or homophobic. Except those loving relatives might still be saying some outdated terms. Under no circumstances do we want to see those relatives get canceled or offend someone they love. Like Hooked-On-Phonics or Encyclopedias in the 90’s, we will be selling Politically Correct Dictionaries that will teach your older relatives about Pronouns, Race, Gender, Sexuality, and what exactly a situationship is. This product will guarantee that your Mom doesn’t accidentally repost a problematic Facebook meme that someone can report to her job, leaving her unemployed and having to move into your 2k dollar six hundred square foot apartment.

For 9.99 a month, they will get a new book each month that will keep them updated on what’s in and out in terms of political correctness.

3 FarmersOnly

Anyone who is single and has ever been to a family gathering knows that older relatives love to pry into the dating lives and relationships of the younger generation. Obviously, dating apps like Hinge & Bumble are what’s popular these days. Except nobody wants their daughter to date a Social Media Manager or a Reality TV blogger. Parents want their kids to date someone who can yield sustainable crops and fix a garbage disposal.

That’s where FarmersOnly.com commercials come in. Finally, your daughter can date a man who can bring a bountiful harvest to Thanksgiving instead of some nerd asking everyone their thoughts on NFTs.

2 Wendy’s

You might be surprised to see Wendy’s on here. For The Golden Bachelor, Wendy’s won’t be airing commercials for the Baconator 9000 or the Diablo Nacho Supreme Bacon Pub Croissantwich.

For the Golden Bachelor, Wendy’s will be airing commercials and doing sponsored luncheons on the show, only featuring their Chili, Baked Potatoes, and Small Frosty’s. Specifically, a Small Frosty because they’ll reject anything bigger as too much of an indulgence. If you’ve never had the Chili from Wendy’s, it’s pretty good. However, for old people, that Wendy’s Chili is a religious experience.

1 Sweet Nephew’s Who Will Set Up Your Roku TV

This is currently a service/product that I plan on pitching to Mark Cuban on Shark Tank.

The advent of Smart TVs and cord-cutting has become a real danger to old folks. The same people who fought in wars and knew every freeway exit without using a GPS cannot for the life of them figure out how to sign in to Paramount Plus to binge old episodes of NCIS. All your grandma and grandpa want to do is watch Mark Harmon solve crimes as they eat their Wendy’s Chili and drink their TaB in peace.

That’s where our new service comes in. With one dial, we will send a sweet 20-year-old who will patiently set up the Smart TV with a smile. These 20-year-olds will be able to solve some of the biggest tech problems old people face. Such as: Is the router on? Are you connected to the WiFi? Did you put in the WiFi password? Are you using the remote for the Roku TV and not the one from your old TV from 1985?

Importantly, they’ll set up the Smart TV and all the streaming services for the old people, all with a smile and demeanor that reminds the old people of their favorite nephew.

We will cross-promote this product with The Golden Bachelor to ensure that if any old person misses a live episode because they fell asleep before 8 PM, they can watch it via Hulu or the ABC App.