I literally ranked the numbers 1 to 10

I am a big fan of objectively ranking things and creating top 10 lists, so because of this I spend a lot of time writing the numbers 1–10 on all my notebooks, typing them in Word documents, inputting them into spreadsheets, and trying to memorize my lists in the shower. I decided which numbers are above the rest!

9th Place — 10
10 is lame for being a double digit number. Double digits sounds cool because it is bigger and the power of 10’s makes multiplying/dividing way easier. However, this number takes twice the amount of work that any other numbers take. It also accounts for twice the space on the lines where it is being written on. 10 takes so much work for when you do tallies as well. As satisfying as it is to put the diagonal line through your tallies when you get to 5, it is not a reasonable amount of pleasure for your eight tallies prior. The coolest thing about 10 is the Roman numeral X. X’s are bad ass. Look at its history: X-Men, X mark’s the spot (where treasure lies), and Xanax.

10th Place — 9
9 is the blue balls of all the numbers. You get so close to that perfect 10, to that 100% percent, but instead you fall short. Everything that is a little bit cool about 10, is made lame by the number 9. In Roman numerals, the I that comes before the X devalues it, literally. When drawing tallies, you come one short of the diagonal strike that feels fulfilling. Bad things start with 9, 9/11, 911, and the German word for no, nein. If you multiply 9 by 9 you get an 81, which is 19 away from 100, super blue balls right there. 19 is a terrible number.

8th Place — 1
It’s just too simple. Too plain, and can be confused for the letter I (though an I is also a 1 in Roman numerals and tallies) or a lowercase L. Nobody wants to write a 1 and be caught taking an L instead. Nothing is more annoying than when you are supposed to get 5 dollars back, and the cashier gives you a bunch of 1 dollar bills. 1 dollar bills have the stigma of being stripper money, but even strippers hate 1 dollar bills. That’s chump change, the real ballers are throwing 20’s at the least, 50's for big ballers, and 100’s for kings.

7th Place — 4
Typed out 4’s is a lot cuter than the 4’s you draw by hand. The cute hanging triangle at the head of the 4 looks awesome, but when you hand draw it, it neither looks as good as the typed version, nor does it feel satisfying to draw with your hand. It’s just rigid straight lines, no fun curves or slopes. 4 is also the number for squares, and squares are notorious for being lame.

6th Place — 7
7/11 is clutch as fuck.

5th Place — 5
Aesthetically the number 5 is ugly. It’s like the reflect of a pirate’s hook with a right angle placed on the head. 5 is a stupid looking number that is not fun to write out, going from curvy to rigid is not as satisfying as the other way around.

What 5 has going for it is the DEALS. DEALS ON DEALS ON DEALS. 5 dollar foot-long, 5 dollar pizza, 5 dollar discounts, and 5 dollar boxes at Taco Bell.

High fives are a signature friend move, while the Roman numeral is a V. V’s are super cool, birds fly in a V formation, V for Vendetta was a solid movie, and Vegeta is top 3 Dragonball Z character.

4th Place — 6
Gonna be honest, this a real shit number in terms of Roman numerals, tallies, visual aesthetics, hand motion satisfaction, and it being not a solid figure in comparison to the number 5. However, 6 is a cult figure in its history as a demonic number. Movies, stories, and religions have been built around this number, and that is what you call true power. It’s also nice to have the extra dollar when something costs 5 dollars with tax.

Where 6’s power comes from is that when you put it in your bios, girls will dive into your DM’s or at least are more likely too. Good amount of girls steer away from that number 5.

3rd Place — 2
Two is a solid number all around. Perfect pair, 2 on 2 basketball, 2 for 1, and 2 wrongs make a right. What’s confusing is that sometimes you brain-fart and write out to or too.

2 dollar bills are not even special, but for some reason they just feel like they are. Same goes for 2 dollar coins, and even 2 cookies. Seriously, after you eat that first cookie, you really crave a second one.

What I look about 2 is that there a two major accepted forms that are both fun. Either you like a nice solid version of 2, or you are someone like me, an intellectual, where I enjoy making a fancy loop around my 2.

The difference between these “two” is, you, versus the guy she tells you to worry about. One just has more pizzazz, but both are cool.

2nd Place — 3
Easily the most satisfying number to draw out with your hand. You can find out a lot about a person by the way they write out their 3’s. Some people like a nice curvy circular 3, while some enjoy a jagged sharp 3, a regular looking, one where the head is bigger portion, or you can just laze into and give it a cursive Z look.

Handwriting is annoying, so when you get that little moment of an enjoyment when writing, it feels great.

1st Place — 8
8 is like 3, except much more resolute. The fact there is no open endings with 8’s calms people down, almost like a piece of music resolving to a tonic. It’s fun and curvy with a strong finish. Everyone has their own way of drawing 8’s. In the classical figure you can decide to start your 8 at the bottom middle, top middle, create a lot of over lap by beginning on the right-hand top side, and there’s my personal favorite — curvy diagonal from the top of the left hand side, where from there it creates a candy cane like hoop up.

The designs of 8’s are also very fun, you can make it big and curvy like typed 8, or give it a thin hour glass figure. Some of my friends like to make two small circles to create their 8’s, either like a little snowman, or an upside down Venn diagram. If you flip it over when you have a squiggly 8, you should get a perfect infinity sign flipped.

8 is also the perfect number when it comes to unity. The World Martial Art Tournament in Dragon Ball Z was divided in to 8, quarterfinals. Most pizzas are divided into 8 slice, perfect for 4 people. Or perfect for 2 people, or even 1 person depending on the pizza lover.

It also has the coolest spelling: E-I-G-H-T



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Allan Aguirre

Allan Aguirre


26 years old. I blog about MTV's the Challenge and will dabble into other subjects occasionally. Follow me on Twitter for the occasional bad joke.