I Feel Like a Failure Every Day of My Life

Every morning I wake up, I feel like a fucking failure. I’m 25 years old, overweight, single, and don’t even have a Bachelor’s Degree. For work, I do odd jobs and small freelance gigs to pay my bills; worse than anything, I like pineapple on pizza. Waking is up is the hardest part of my day because not only do my sweet dreams end, but I wake up realizing I have to take on the world as myself. Good lord, do I wish I could wake up taking on the world as Ryan Gosling or Steph Curry. Nope, I have to take on the world as me, and it’s terrifying.

Some people will read these words and immediately tell me that I’m not a failure, that they love my blogs, I’m a good friend, and I’ve achieved so many things that I should take pride in. Even random people who stumble upon this blog might say I’m being too hard on myself. To them, I’ll say thank you, I am proud of my achievements, there are some funny lines I’ve written over the years, and I love my friends. Yet, I still feel like a total fucking failure. From a career and life standpoint, I am far removed from where I imagined I’d be as a kid. Young me would be so disappointed in current me to the point that I wouldn’t even know what to tell him. Life is hard, and it’s not like the movies or in TV. Maybe it’s my fault for watching too much Full House (RIP Bob Saget); the show tricked me into thinking you could fix any problem within thirty minutes and be able to walk it away from it all with a neat moral.

This is not a woe is me column, though; it’s an acknowledgment. When I say I feel like a failure, I am not saying I am a failure; I am a work in progress, and as it stands right now, my letter grade is not where I want it to be, but there is still time, and there will always be time until I get buried into the ground. Actually, when I die, please cremate me and mix my ashes with kinetic sand to create a small statue commemorating me (preferably a dragon or a stegosaurus).

Right now, I have two primary goals. First, my overall life goal is to bring my total grade from an F to an A, to where I can look at it satisfied and wake up being happy with who I am. Self-love is important, and there are parts of me that I love; it’s the parts I don’t, that I have to heal. Healing takes time. Second, I will attack life as I do every morning, one at a time, and my daily goal is simply to have more good days than bad days. Bad days suck; they are inevitable, and I’ve dealt with so many already in my life. At the same time, bad days have made me appreciate the good ones far more. Not every day will be a good one, so we have to make sure to stockpile as much as possible. Plus I’ll try to treat myself when I need and deserve it. While I won’t suddenly love fall in love with myself and go from an F to an A overnight, it’s something I know in the most optimistic part of my heart that I can achieve in time.

What will I do to make sure I have more good days? I’m going to try to work harder while also being easier on myself. It will be difficult, and there are days when I will hate myself so much, and I’ll need to remind myself that I’m human.

  • I plan on blogging more because I think I can analyze content at a high level while being able to make a funny joke or two.
  • The blogs won’t just be about the Challenge either; I’m going to be blogging about different stuff, from TV to Movies to Food.
  • I’ll be applying for more jobs, hoping someone messes up and hires me full-time to create articles and videos.
  • From a personal life standpoint, I will try and stay fit as I have been going to the gym daily for the last six months.
  • I will try to stay hydrated and eat my vegetables as well.
  • I’ll continue swiping right on Bumble in hopes that love finds me; if not, at least working out has given me a better grip and a stronger arm.

Here’s the thing, even if most of what I said doesn’t happen over the next six to nine months, then that’s okay because I’m human and a work in progress.

Tomorrow morning, I’m going to wake up, and I’ll most likely still feel like a failure, except I’ll know that those feelings do not define me. One day, I’ll wake up, and I will feel like a million dollars. Sidenote: Even though I feel like a failure, if you call me one, I’m going to tell you to suck my dick and to fuck right off. Then I’d accept your claim and use it as a motivation to work harder. Have a great day, everyone.

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Allan Aguirre

26 years old. I blog about MTV's the Challenge and will dabble into other subjects occasionally. Follow me on Twitter for the occasional bad joke.