Does Pineapple go on Pizza?

A meme, a fascination, and an issue that has ended more friendships than the Seinfeld/Friends dilemma, pineapple on pizza.

I remember growing up as a kid being perplexed by the idea of ham and pineapple together on a pizza. When I found out they called it Hawaiian style, I went “ohhhhh, that makes sense”. In reality, I did not understand that it made sense. It’s like when your car is messed up and the mechanic tells you that it is a carburetor issue. At that point you just nod your head in agreement in hopes of not looking dumb.

Today, I am here to educate about whether or not pineapple should go on pizza, and if so, in what scenarios.

Let us get down to the basics:

Should pineapple go on Pizza? Maybe.

Pizza #1 Pineapple and Cheese Pizza

Should this be a thing? Absolutely, not! Very few toppings deserve to be on a pizza with cheese by its lonesome. So pineapple, an already suspect topping does not get the same amount of respect. Toppings that do? Pepperoni, Sausage, Tomatoes, Anchovies, Mushrooms, and Chicken. As much as I love Bacon, it generally never lives up to expectations when on pizza, it either needs to be in bits which doesn’t give you the full texture, but bigger piecs of bacon usually don’t really cook properly on the pizza to give it the right amount of crispiness either.

Pizza #2 Veggie Pizza with Pineapple

I personally could never be a vegetarian. My mouth enjoys meat too much. I think if all the cows, pigs, and chickens were eliminated from the planet, I’d consider becoming a vegetarian, then again, at that point I would probably move on to lamb, duck, and ostrich. However, I will say this, I have had some slices of full veggie pizzas, and they are pretty solid. I would never pick a veggie pizza over an all meat pizza, but I will say that Pineapple goes perfectly on a veggie pizza. With other toppings like cherry tomatoes, spinach, banana peppers, onions, and jalapenos, pineapple gives it some nice sweetness and acidity. Pineapple should go on this pizza!

Pizza #3 = Discussion: Does Pineapple go on Deep Dish Pizza or Thin Crust Pizza?

Normal regular crust is fine for basically all pizza. However, we’ve hit a phase of trendy build your own thin crust pizzas versus a traditional thick pizza pie. On the traditional pie, you might need legitimate pineapple circles to top your pizza, the total mass and thickness of the pizza would not properly cook the pineapple chunks to melt with the crust and cheese. You need a substance that does not require as much work as pineapple for a deep dish, you need olives, you need red peppers, and your focus should be on the sauce more than anything. Pineapple does not go on deep dish pizzas, it is too much work for too little in return.

While with thin crust pizza, if the chunks are too big, it takes over the entire taste of a bite. Hard and wet is not a good feeling when you take a chomp into some pizza. However, the smoky flakiness of a nice burnt and crispy thin crust pizza complements the sweetness of the pineapples. You can even tear it apart or fold it in order to make a sandwich. Pineapple is acceptable on thin crust pizza.

Pizza #4 BBQ Sauce Pizza

For pizza purists who think that BBQ Sauce pizza is not a real way to make a pizza, you’re partially correct and partially wrong. BBQ Sauce pizza is generally inferior to a top tier marinara, tomato, or white sauce. The reason I enjoy BBQ Sauce pizza is because I coached a team of high school students who studied in a classroom daily, a good amount of days for 5 hours or longer, so we would always order food, with pizza being the most common. After all the slices of pepperoni and sausage, a nice BBQ sauce pizza with chicken and mushrooms on top is an incredible change of pace.

What is good about BBQ sauce pizzas is that they are kind of like a dessert pizza, nice amount of sweetness, add some sea salt and oregano, you get a nice balance of flavors. A bad BBQ Sauce pizza is overloaded with BBQ Sauce, while a good one keeps it under the cheese, and at the bottom of the crust. Throw in pineapple, it just adds to the dessert like flavor that are BBQ pizzas. If you want to pair the pineapple with meat, make it a ham, or possibly a chicken, except if the chicken is dry, it might make the overall flavor profile lackluster, and require you to be sipping your beverage frequently. The overall opinion, is that, yes, pineapple does go on BBQ Sauce pizzas.

Pizza #5 Supreme Pizzas

Supreme pizzas are known for being loaded with toppings, so pineapple should be a perfect fit, right? Wrong. Pineapple should not go on a Supreme or Deluxe Pizza. I’m not the biggest fan of Supreme pizzas, but the brilliance of them is that the toppings melt into the crust and are all low-key. You take a bite and suddenly there is an onion or a pepper or some sausage, but pineapple is a peacock flavor, it is not low-key at all. A pineapple Supreme pizza is like a ninja wearing a bright orange jumpsuit, it is dumb, and flat out does not make sense.

Pizza #6 Pepperoni and Pineapple, or Sausage and Pineapple, or Non Ham Meat with Pineapple

Here’s the problem with Pepperoni and Sausage when it comes to pairing it with pineapples. The two have such different profiles in taste and texture, and each requires a good amount of focus when you chew. When you’re eating an all meat pizza it all blends together, a Supreme is a bunch of flavors exploding in your mouth to create one identity, while pineapple takes away from all of those. It is a good flavor on its own, but it cannot help the taste of other meats that are not ham. For pineapple to work well with Pepperoni, you need soft cold flat pepperonis so the pineapple could be at the forefront of your pizza.

The problem with it is that pepperoni’s are at their best when they are hot and crispy, not burned, but when they created that nice melted loop within the cheese that when you take a bite it all comes off together. Pineapple’s juiciness make the pizza a bit runny too, not allowing for these nice warm cheese to topping ratios. Pineapple paired with one other meat is not a good option.

Pizza #7 Hawaiian

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Every reason why other meats cannot be paired with pineapple, is exactly why pineapple works with ham. Ham is a little bit salty, so the sweet taste of pineapple goes perfectly. Ham even when crispy is still soft enough to create a good organization of textures when eating the two.

This is the premier pineapple pizza.

Does Pineapple go on Pizza? Yes, but not all pizzas.